Growing up the daughter of a pastor and being raised in a bible believing family means that I have always had God in my life so it was somewhat easy for me to make the decision to serve God wholeheartedly at the young age of 16. Since then and till I was 22 I would say my life was pretty easy especially in hindsight. I never suffered for anything which I am truly grateful for. However, everything changed for me in September 2021. My younger sister passed away after an incredibly short battle with cancer and for lack of a better phrase; my family’s world turned upside down.

Alongside navigating grief and loss, I was also challenged to face the battle of family conflict, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, relationship drama and unemployment. My emotions were all over the place but I also felt a numbness and it was this numbness that scared me. I had become apathetic to everything. I couldn’t feel sympathy for people, joy was fleeting and every laughter was followed promptly by guilt. This lasted for a really long time. Probably just a bit over a year.

It was a hard time and from what I have described above you may understandably assume that during all of that, I felt that God had left me. How could God let this happen to a family that had served Him for so long? How can one person have to deal with so much all at once. How was this fair? But do you know what? Reflecting on it all, there was not one moment that God ever left me. He was always there. I know God was there because I somehow found it in me to pray almost every single day. Yes – some of those prayers were the shortest prayers I have ever prayed in my life but I recognise that it is only by God’s Grace and His love and His mercy that I was not totally consumed by all that was happening in my life and still able to remember Him.

As you can imagine, as I was dealing with so much I gave way to the flesh and ended up participating in a lot of sins that I never would have imagined me doing. Yet and still I can say I have never felt God’s love more. God literally held my hand to pull me out of this dark place. The Holy Spirit talked to me, kept me company in my lonely moments. He never left even when I strayed away. I have since been delivered from those sins and find that I have no desire to participate in them anymore. Though those prayers I was praying were short, God was able to use that as a gateway in to change my life. God set an amazing friend in my path who graciously allowed me to do bible study every day in the morning with her. She spoke life into me, she prayed over me. Everyday, for months. God was truly working through her to save me. As we read the bible together everyday and prayed everyday, my desire to read the bible grew and my prayers got longer, I listened more to God’s word. And quite importantly I learned to be obedient. I can say that now I live in freedom, having won those battles that the enemy thought I was going to lose.

My encouragement for anyone reading this is to remember and acknowledge that God is always with you no matter what. Hebrews 13:5 “…God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” The presence of challenges in your life do not indicate an absence of God. God is knocking at the door of your heart waiting for you to answer. I will urge you to muster up whatever little strength you have and say a prayer to God. Ask Him to give you strength. The word of God also tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 that “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. … for when I am weak, then am I strong.” Your weakness is the perfect opportunity for God to demonstrate His strength in your life so I encourage you to ask Him to do that. Because of God’s strength I was able to resume my role as a youth leader in church and because of God’s strength I am able to share a part of my testimony.

I pray that you all receive God’s strength and allow Him to move in your life.

Thank you for reading and God bless you